I have not gotten to live out a normal life. I rarely got dates, I never got to date the guys I really wanted too, I’ve been treated like I’m inhuman.
Why? I’ve been overweight since I was 11. At this point in my life, I’m over 250 lbs. and I’m only 5’4″. I’ve used every excuse in the book and I’ve tried and tried to lose the weight.
I get dirty looks, I get left out of things, I’m never considered one of the girls or fun to hang out with. I’m an awesome person. I’ve had a lot of fun experiences, I love music, movies and fashion, I love to dance, and believe it or not, I love to work out. I’m just not good at staying self-motivated.
I was always a cute kid. People fawned over me. When puberty hit, I started to gain weight. I weight about 10x my age every year. When I was 15 I was 150, when I was 16 I was 160 and so one. I lost weight my sophomore year of high school, but that was about it.
When I younger I loved helping out my teachers. I loved to pass out papers and take things down to the office. In 5th grade a boy would follow me around while I passed out papers and would oink and moo at me. He’d come up to me at lunch and tell me to keep shoveling it in. He threw food at me and would tell me, “eat it fattie”. It was humiliating. What sunk my social life was when he did this the last time in school and I called him a jerk. I was taken down to the principal’s office for calling him a bad name. It was ridiculous. My principal was furious with my teacher for letting this happen and she had to sit with me in front of my entire class and explain bullying. I sat there and cried, in front of all of my “friends”.
I was labeled the crazy, sensitive, fat girl after that. The worst part was that I played sports, danced and was a cheerleader. I played basketball, soccer and softball. I played outside all the time.
I was told that a guy would date me if I looked like another girl in school, I’ve been told that the floor shakes when I walk by, I’ve overheard that I’m fat and nasty, I’ve heard that it’s a shame I’m so big. I’ve been treated like a 5th class citizen. My own father said, “look at that jiggle” when we were playing horseshoes when I was 13. I’ve been told I’m too big to shop at Macy’s. I’ve been told to look elsewhere when shopping for dresses at Nordstrom’s.
It’s really hard to lose weight when people applaud you for changing who you are so they can accept you. It makes me sad. Scratch that, it makes me down right depressed.
It’s been a hard few days and I’m really not in a good place right now.