The New Me

Ok, so it’s 1/2/15, and a lot of people are creating “resolutions”. I mean, as an overweight, clinically depressed, psycho of a 28 year old female, but super friendly, loving person, I could come up with so many resolutions. But as a wife and dog owner, some things are already done.

But the new me is not a resolution. I pretty much need to overhaul my life. I need to work on my marriage, my body, my mind, my bank account, and my relationships. The one thing that needed to change before I literally committed suicide was my job.

Thankfully I did just that in 2014, but unfortunately I basically mutilated every other aspect of my life. I have no friends anymore, many major players in my family don’t like me (no, seriously, they admitted to just not liking me), I admitted to a marriage ruining event (because yes, I’m a despicable, horrible person), my weight is ballooning to over 250 lbs., and the frosting on the cake? I was actually told by my psychologist that I’m depressed.

So, 2015. This is not a resolution. This is the year I overhaul my life. This is where I’m going to talk about it.

What I need to work on?

1) Losing weight. Seriously, when you have trouble fitting your ass into an airplane seat and you can barely buckle the seat belt, it’s time. And it’s not like I haven’t tried before, but this time it has to happen. I need to eat less fast food, stop drinking soda and start using that Planet Fitness membership I got…like 4 months ago.

2) My marriage. We took the first step and started counseling. We’re now on our 2nd therapist and our sessions are almost done. But he’s been pretty great. He’s given me some great books to read and is really empowering me to fix my brain, and I’m not kidding, he said that I have to ability to actually re-wire the synapses in my brain to be less negative, have more motivation, etc. But I need to be nicer to Kyle, I need to appreciate him more, dote on him a little more. Even though he works 2nd shift and we NEVER SEE EACHOTHER, yet we live in the same house. Ugh…marriage.

3) I need to work on my relationships with my friends. See them more, talk to them more. I have 2…and a 3rd one, but she’s got two kids and I literally haven’t talked to her in forever, but we did get her Christmas card. I need to find more too, somehow.

4) My dad and my sister. I need to figure out how to deal without them without blowing up in anger, crying or having a shit fit. They are two of the most difficult people I’ve ever had to deal with, but I keep telling myself, they cannot be impossible.

5) Money. I make what I make, that’s pretty much all I can do in that sense, but I need to clean up my finances. Delete all of those “pay per month” things, buy less clothes, stop using my card. Start using coupons. Ugh…that means getting really organized.

So. There it is. It’s been said it’s empowering to put your thoughts in writing. So, here is where I work on the new me, and this is where I’m going to try to motivate and empower myself.


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