Regrets

Ok, so I’m totally not unhappy with my life, but I with all of the crap that came down between my 14th-21st birthdays, you have to understand that I had to make a lot of life-altering choices at a young age, and I can’t help but think how things could be very different if I had zigged instead of zagged.

First changed I could have made was choosing to stay in Milwaukee with my dad or move to Arkansas with my mom.

A regret I have is not having a party when I lived down there. My mom and her boyfriend were never home. I was such a good girl/dork, plus no one actually drank down there, but I could have had a rager. Ugh, I should have done it. It would have been awesome.

I regret not having sex with Derrick. I had three chances, and I nixed it every time. Granted, I probably made the best choice, because he had sex with a lot of skeevy, and trashy girls. More than likely, he could have passed a myriad of diseases on to me, eww.

I regret breaking up with Tyler freshman year. He stuttered and had really bad shoes. But he was hot, and really sweet. But it was a problem when he told me he wouldn’t kiss me until we were married. That was the kicker. Turned out, he was joking.

I regret ever dating Greg. That was a mistake and was me totally trying to fit in down there. He was my first boyfriend. He was not cute, handsy and a total stage-5 clinger. We were at a hayride or hay pull, or whatever they call them down there on a family farm of a student at our school. It was through a local church and anyone who was anyone in our school was there. When we got to the location we walked down to the river with our friends. My friend was dating his friend and the next thing we know, they are majorly sucking face. Can you say awkward? He and I hadn’t kissed and I was feeling super uncomfortable. The next thing I know he’s getting closer to me. He pulled me into him and said, “where’s my kiss?” It was horrible, and I mean HORRIBLE. He literally shoved his tongue down my throat. My only kissing experience before that was with Matt Tatlock when I was 5 years old. We thought it was fun to kiss in my playskool tent in the dark. How cute were we??? The same can’t be said for Greg. I spent the next few seriously awkward weeks ignoring him, not answering his phone calls, and flirting with his friends. Because of how crazy and awkward the whole situation was, and because I had never done it before, I broke up with him with a note during a morning class break. When I was at my locker after class he came up to me, didn’t say anything, and ripped up my school picture in front of me, stomped on it, and walked away. It took everything in me to not bust out laughing, because seriously, who does that?

I regret helping Derrick with Kara and never telling him how I truly felt. I know that he knew, but I always wonder what would have happened if I actually let it out there. I also regret lying to EVERYONE about how I felt. It’s not like people didn’t know, but it was the lies that ruined everything.

You know what I don’t regret?

I don’t regret falling in love with Derrick.

I don’t regret moving back to Milwaukee.

Those are two things that have made my life what they are.